5 Tips for a 25 Year Marriage

sadfaSome of the best marriage advice I received as a young man came from my pastor. He said if you want a marriage that lasts, then find someone who’s been married a long time and watch them. At the time the “Old People” in my life seemed really strange and I thought they’d have no clue how to face the current issues of my day, but I was wrong. These older couples may not have been experts in my culture or changing technology, but they did understand relationships and how to strengthen them. Today is my 25th anniversary, and now that I’m walking on the other side of the fence I’d like to offer a few tips of my own. Below are Five tips for a twenty five year marriage.

The first tip is to never say the “D” word. Divorce–doesn’t even sound good does it.  Debbie and I decided very early in our marriage that we would never say the word divorce.  No matter how mad we got or how tired we were we would not mention that word in an argument.  It was difficult at times and the word often popped into our minds, but it was never spoken.

It’s too easy to say things you don’t mean when you’re angry, and when you begin to throw the “D” word around you begin to think about it.  You begin to believe it.  Before long it seems like the only solution to your problem.  Instead of looking for reasons to stop being together, you should look for reasons to build your marriage.

The next tip is: don’t go to bed mad at each other.  I would be lying if I said I never went to bed mad at my wife, but I can say we made it a priority to resolve our issues before the day ended.  There are times when couples need a little distance, and some time to work through hard feelings, but when its all said and done we need to learn to set our emotions aside and communicate openly and honestly.

We still have fights after 25 years of marriage, but they look a lot different than when we were first married.  Arguments these days often last about 2 minutes.  I say what’s bothering me, she says what’s bothering her and we drop it.  I’ve learned to hear what she’s upset about and try to make changes and she does the same.  We don’t have very many “BIG” fights any more.

Always make sure to kiss each other goodbye.  You never know when your last kiss will be, and we’re not guaranteed of tomorrow.  And I’ll also add, on occasion throw in the 10 second kiss.  I won’t say much more….just try it.

Tell your spouse, “I love you” everyday.  One of the most basic needs of every human is to be loved, and it’s important you tell your spouse that you love them.  Try and think of the kind words you use as building blocks to your marriage.  The more nice words you use, the stronger your marriage will be, and probably the nicest thing you can say is, “I Love You.”

There are certain roles only a spouse can fill, and don’t allow others to fill them.  When we think if intimacy often times sex comes to mind, and that’s part of it, but only a small part.  Sex is one of those things that only your spouse fulfills.  That may seem obvious, but infidelity happens, so maybe it’s not as obvious as you would think.

Beyond sexual intimacy there are places in the heart that should only belong to a spouse.  I consider my wife as my best friend.  She listens to me when I talk.  She laughs at my jokes.  She makes corny comments like, “You’re sexy and I know it,” and just hearing her say it makes me smile.  If I were ever to allow another woman that place in my heart it would be wrong.  That place belongs only to her.

If you were to ask a hundred people what makes a marriage last you’d probably get 100 different answers, but these are a few of my top tips.  I’ll leave you with one final thought.  A marraige relationship is never complete.  You’re always pruning it, watering it, and working on it.

A Good Pair of Shoes

loveI’ve felt for the longest time that we believers make our jobs harder than they really are—spiritually speaking. We often focus on processes, styles, and even the details of our doctrine causing us to overlook the essentials of our spiritual walk. Don’t get me wrong; I think these things are important to our journey, but misaligned spiritual priorities can leave us feeling empty, frustrated, and even judgmental of others. With the wrong focus we become like the Pharisees, and that’s not fun, especially for those around us.

In the gospel of Matthew chapter 22 Jesus says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.

Once a person takes the first step of believing that God is real, the idea of loving him comes naturally. It’s an amazing experience when a one comes to the point of understanding all that He is and all that He’s done for us. How can you not love someone who gave their life for you?

The second commandment, to love people, seems to be a bit more difficult. People aren’t perfect. They sometimes get in our way and ruin our plans. They have ideas that don’t line up with our own. They cut in line at Wal-Mart and drive slowly in front of us on the highway. They say bad things about us on Facebook and sometimes even sit in our pew at church. How dare they?

It’s not by chance that the Apostle Paul placed the “Love Chapter” in the midst of verses that talk about our talents and spiritual gifting. He basically tells us that we may do great things, make big sacrifices, or even perform astounding miracles, but if we don’t have love then it’s meaningless.

I once saw a photo of a pair of shoes, and on the top of one was written the phrase, “Love God.”  The other said, “Love People.”  If we all were to write these two statements on the tops of our shoes, and remembered everywhere we stepped to love God and to love people, then just think of how different our world would be.